screaming internally for eternity

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277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
sisyphus-prime
carry-on-my-wayward-butt

“i also choose this guy’s dead wife” was easily the #1 funniest thing to ever be written on the internet.

carry-on-my-wayward-butt

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you can know the punchline but you can’t stop it from punching you.

mighty-meerkat

i do also feel the need to add that phil8248 really liked the joke. he said his wife had always had a dark sense of humour, even about her illness and death, and seeing the joke made him feel like he was laughing with her one last time.

silly-goofy-mood
weakerthan

dni if: you have perfect eyesight, clean your room regularly, never want any tattoos, hate milk, are taller than 5’5, don’t own a watch, hate on feel-good movies, don’t use chapstick, sleep with more than 2 pillows, prefer stem over humanities, never had an emo phase, have your own car, actually look like your age, live in a large city, use a planner for school/work, use twitter, have led lights in your room, like swedish fish, look good in yellow, have bad handwriting, or bite your nails.

5
jaggedwolf

thatwaspleasant asked:

What uh. What's the frog story 👀

sadclowncentral answered:

back when i was in second grade, my elementary school organised a school market with every class selling their crafts for charity. the contribution of my class were hand-sized ceramic frogs we made in art class. each one of us made one of them to be sold for five euros a piece (this is important later). the quality of the frog i made varies drastically based on who is telling the story, and for reasons that will become very apparent later there is no way to check, but i stand by the fact that it was average looking, if a bit wonky.

the day of the market arrived, and all frogs were bought within minutes, snatched up by enthusiastic and proud parents. all except - mine. because my mother hates spending money on unnecessary things, and she hates children’s crafts even more. so she - loudly and vehemently - refused, in her thick eastern european accent, to “spend five euros on an ugly frog”.

i will never forget seeing my ceramic frog alone on the slightly wet cardboard, surrounded by the imprints left behind by the already sold frogs. all the while other parents are getting more and more agitated, trying to get my mother to put the frog out of its misery. eventually, she budged, and spend five euros on a wonky frog. she was absolutely furious about this.

so furious, in fact, that when we came home to where my father was remodelling the kitchen, she WALLED IT IN. that’s right. she cask of amadillo’d that poor ceramic fool. put him into the open wall and slapped concrete over it faster than my poor seven year old self or my dad could protest. out of pure anger over loosing five euros. and that’s where it remains, until this day.

my mom hates when this story is brought up, which is why we bring it up all the time. she also thinks she what she did was right, because “do the other parents know where the frog is? no. only your creation is safe. because i love you.” morally, i would disagree, but on a pure factual basis, she has a point.

i made her another ceramic frog for her last brithday, which was not buried like some pharaoh, and everytime guests compliment it my brother loudly goes “oh you should see the other frog he made” and when they ask to see it, he points at the wall. this is hilarious to him and infuriating for my mother. and that’s the frog story.

sadclowncentral

people in the notes are strongly divided on whether this is tragic or hilarious. well let me tell you a secret. it is both. all the best stories are

Yall i said earlier that my cat scratched me this morning on my hand and while it’s not bad I needed to use three whole bandaids to cover them for work, and I didn’t even think about the placement of them??? How is my cats aim so good and why does he hate my art /j

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middle is where i hold my pen when i draw pointer is where i hold my pen when im thinking and thumb is where i hold my pen when- i do other things with thr hand but dont put down the pen!! why is his aim so accurate what the fuck!! it was through a curtain!!